More Apron's

This is what I have been busy with lately...

When the World seems to be crashing in on me or the ones I truly love...

Susan

Through our Church and World Vision we are now sponsoring a little girl "Susan"

Please Pray with Us for:

Continued Health for her family.

That we with our American frame of mind will not get bored with her.

That we develop a real relationship with her.

That she and her family know Christ or will come to know him.

That this experience will be life/love changing for our family.

Those are just the immediate ones that come to mind.  As a family we are excited about sharing our love with Susan.

 

As we learned about many families through World Vision it sure makes our Old Farm House with one tiny bathroom look like a mansion in comparison. 

Dealing...

Had to take a break from posting...instead of just deleting the blog as I have done in the past.

I have been dealing with some stuff that seems to take me off focus of where I am and takes me back to where I come from. And I was afraid I would sound like a girl who had one to many drinks and was sharing way to much information.

Anyway I am almost ready and we have been busy I do have a lot of things to share.

There it is...that feeling...of Ahhhhh. Just something I realized. I feel less heavy like a little, tiny weight has been lifted from me. Didn't realize it to much but I think I have been living with my guard up...I know some of you may smirk at that...but I think it might be time to let it down!!

You weren't there

So I can't be there.

I just can't find the words to fill in the blank...

So Soft

That is my Pie...so soft.

Soft hearted that is...I pray as she and I grow that I do not harden her heart. As we were talking today about her future wedding I just want to giggle with happiness, which of course I don't because that is me.

I Do Believe In Fairies

So glad I have my little lovelies to distract me from the everyday...Of Needing a New Roof, Whats for dinner, I am tired, The house needs cleaned, laundry, bills, where is the money gonna come from, My husband works a lot, I am being lazy, yada, yada, yada...

Just Can't Sleep

 Ever not able to sleep cause your little Pie has a broken heart? Well I would probably would still be sleeping if M&M had not come down the stairs at 2:30am requesting a bath cause she woke to find herself wet.  Now as I try to go back to sleep I am thinking about how sad my Pie was last night.  And now I am writing after much conversation with God. 

Situation:

Pie is in the chorus of a peanut gallery play, her first ever, and she is so excited.  Well last night she was called out on something and she doesn't understand why.  Their is a part in a song where she is to turn to the audience and she claims she is but the director said she did not.  She did not question the directors statement directly the director just stated "Pie you did not turn around" and that is how it was left.  Till she got home then the tears were flowing.   Now her friend sitting next to her whispers "you did turn around" which did not help the situation.  So is this a case of mistaken identity or does she not realize that how she is actually performing. 

We did pray about it last night.  We thanked God for the opportunity to be a part of the cast.  And acknowledge that God does not promise recognition or appreciation that we so long for as humans. We prayed that Pie would take this opportunity to show her praise to God and that she is performing for Him and He knows how hard she is working and how sad her heart is at the moment.  Also acknowledged that God is sovereign in all and maybe she just needs to step it up...

This is our boy and he is struggling. Math is not his favorite subject but to go from a B to a D something is wrong! So after school I helped with the first couple of problems, Troy then started they left for baseball and Tera finished up helping. It just breaks my heart to see him struggle. It makes me mad that the teacher doesn't think he needs to inform us and sad that Bug was going to try and solve this problem without our help. Bug is a very sensitive guy; lets just say their were some tears tonight. He doesn't want to disappoint me or anyone to be exact. Bug is a good student but he has to work very, very hard at it. Makes me wonder how much pressure I am putting on him and I think I need to change my approach! We have sent an email to the teacher so that we can figure out a plan for him...he knows the answer just doesn't know how to show the work. UGH!!

School is not much fun to him...sometimes I think Home schooling would be best for his personality.

Some other examples of his week...

Friday he tells me he needs a poster board for a project in Science class... and so this opens the door for discussion as to what they are doing and such.

Well he tells me they are doing a project with a partner...

OK I ask about his partner...

Well apparently the teacher paired the kids by their class scores the student with the highest score was paired with the one with the lowest.

OK so where do you fall on that scale???

I have the third highest so I am paired with the student with the 3rd lowest...

Which led him to talk about the poster board...

Yeah he wanted me to get a blue one and I told him that I would get a white one cause they are cheaper...Well I want a blue one...Well then you go buy the blue one...I can't(with fists in a pouting stance)....

Bug is frustrated because it is hard for him to maintain his grade and doesn't understand why he needs to help this student bring up his grade...especially when he is not cooperating

And to top it off he over heard a girl talking (he claims a mean girl) telling the story today that made him look like the bad guy. So I ask (this where I feel like I am putting to much pressure on him) well why does she see it like your the bad guy and you see it where he is just acting like a baby? He said Cause its Jr. High girls...

There was something else that was not good for him but it has escaped me.

His math Teacher is scary, well not scary...I yell at him when he gets bad grades.

How much can a 12yr old take??

Easter Flash Back

We had a wonderful Celebration today with lots of Love, foooood, an egg hunt and some egg smashing. I believe Easter is my favorite holiday!! For ya know He is Risen, He is Risen Indeed!!

haven't felt much like blogging lately so I thought I would share some old Pics.

Joyful Days

I like to think that we are always talking to our kids and know all there thoughts and feeling but...Tried to repeat the conversation but I know I am not hitting on the depth of it.

On our way home from church I am sure some of you have had conversations that start like this with your kids...

Dad: So what did you learn in church today?

Bug: That the last would be first and the first will be last.

Dad: Explain!

Bug: So lets say some get saved when they are kids and old person gets saved in their 80's the old person will get to heaven first because they died first like the thief on the cross...doesn’t matter when you were saved...

Dad: said what do you have to do to get to heaven

Bug: repent of your sins and believe Jesus died on the cross.

Dad: have you kids done that?

Bug: Yes!

Dad: YOU HAVE?

Bug: yes lat year with my Sunday School Teacher (we love him, he is such a good example...he would even come to Bugs baseball games during the summer...what a lesson he is teaching...and Bug just thought it was normal for him to come)

Dad: You have to tell me those things!! We will be talking to his teacher Sunday too.

Dad: What do you have to do next?

Bug: be baptized

Dad: Why?

Bug: its obedience to Jesus...

The conversation was a little deeper and at first Bug was answering all the questions right but as the conversation went on we realized that he felt those words in his heart. If you were to really know Bug he mostly see things as black and white, right and wrong. It kind of worries me sometimes because it is hard for him to make friends...Anyway I am sure I didn't get across what I wanted too.  I am just glad for an answered prayer. Please Lord may my children truly believe in your truths before they pass form this world!

The Following May Be To Much Info...

    What is the meat of this blog...very good question my sweet friend, and Thank You. Well I think you kind of answered it when you said you see my heart for my children. I do use to keep family informed about what’s going on in our lives.


Originally I thought I would use it to talk out my concerns where someone else might be able to hash them out with their Mom, like for therapy. That can get very personal and you have to be prepared for comments from those who don‘t quite get the situation. All in all I think its about a Women whose childhood was wrong and wants to show how she is doing it right for her kids. A Women who loves God, her Husband, and her Children.

Maybe to prove to myself that all is going good and my babies will not have the kind of bad dreams like I had last night 1/31/10.

I was staying in my moms' house which is abandoned now. It was only me, not sure what provoked the dream my be my meds for the migraine? Well anyway I found a loose board up by a window that opened to a whole in the wall that had some pictures in it. These pictures were of me and my sister naked as children. Proof, Proof I kept shouting but as I got down and started flipping through the photo's they were coming up blank like some old Twilight Light movie.

Then I was wakened by the dog who wanted to go out at 1:23 in the morning, yes this part is real life. UGH At least the dream was over but very vivid.

Or maybe to show my kids and me how much I love there Dad and that he is good.

Sometimes I feel I just don’t have much to input. I look at other blogs and the women seem so happy and perfect maybe I was going for that??? I am simple. I am happy. I am loved. I am a hard worker though not to much any more. I was successful in the working world, I proved myself among some tuff, but good men. I am content. I have a compassion for others and I have seen a lot of ugly; so not much surprises me. I like to serve others that is my passion.

…I will get more personal with this!

My Sweet Cousin "Little" Terry passed away this week...

Proverbs 16

24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

This to me describes our Grandpa George, never have I heard a cross word come from his lips!

As My Husband and the family are all gathered around Grandpa George's side M&M and I are home. So I decided to go check the peach tree in the yard where the squirrels usually get to the peaches first. While most are not quite ripe we did find an extremely juicy and delicious one. Although we are not with Grandpa George I am remind of his sweetness at this very moment. Like this peach he is the sweetest of the bunch.

God is good!

Although I try to forget sometimes I need to be reminded. I do believe this house is full of evil and am so glad it is in such disrepair that it can not be rebuilt.

When I Lived There

I questioned God

I put demands God

I kept silent

I thought I was tougher than the situation

Didn't see a way out

Would not let the lies change what I knew to be right.

Thought I could take care of my Mom

Thought I was keeping my sisters safe

Never showed my true feeling

Never talked to anyone

Hated High School

Loved to be outside

Stayed in bed hoping the day would not have to start

NOW...

I am no longer afraid

I have been delivered

I have a family that puts my happiness first

Psalm 40 1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

Humbled by the Faith of Others!

Today was the breaking point and I am on my knees in prayer to know a faith as these. I have been humbled by examples of great faith in other Christians in song, poems, blogs and memoirs. Today a women sung a song, in our Sunday School Class, she recently wrote for her sister battling cancer. The chorus was beautiful, I did not ask if I could share, but it was prayer to God that Blessed be this time. I also read a beautiful memoir of a man struggling with cancer, I did not know him personally but was lead to it by others at a church we attended. I can not imagine what it is like to loose your husband and the father of your children at such an early age. The faithful perseverance the family showed and shared made me realize I still sometimes try to control my God when times get tough....

T....is it true

H....is it Helpful

I.....is it Inspiring

N....is it Necessary (is it core Christian beliefs)

K....is it Kind

Washed In The Water!

Praising God today as my niece Anna was Baptised! I am so glad that we were all able to celebrate today with her.I did take pictures of the event today but forgot my camera at her house(totally frustrating). It was very special day her Mommy sang a sweet song and her Daddy did the actual Baptism.

Thank you Lord for beginning a good work in Anna, and that you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

This Is Now

Familiar feelings creeping inside of me, Amazing how a simple conversation, Things I thought I'd buried way back when: Fear and insecurity, I thought that I had victory, But tonight I face the battlefield again. Amazing how a simple conversation Can cause the loss of so much ground I've gained. A long-forgotten memory, invading my stability; At times like this, it helps for me to say, "I'm here, this is now; I'm exactly where God wants me. I'm here, this now, that the past no longer taunts me." It's really very clear, all that matters is I'm here. I'm here and this is now. Nicole Niederer. This is from a book I'm reading If Mama Ain't Happy... Ain't Nobody Happy. by Lindsey O'Conner. The back reads Lindsey uncovers the hidden struggles women meet on their way to joy and shows how to find balance in the process and contentment where you are. You can experience joy-God's joy-that puts new meaning in daily tasks and makes life worth celebrating. I have had this book for many years and just started reading. I forgot I had even had it. I know its not a world changing book but maybe a little life enlightening for me. God is good.

Home Sweet Home

Ready to start his exciting Weekend at Spring Hill

A great looking group, and full of energy

This hat was his souvenir. I love that he is not embarrassed to wear it!

Praising God today that this trip is over!! Bug really had a good time and said he would like to go back again. His voice is a little horse from worship time, Praise God. There were a lot of out door activities like a zip line, which he did twice, some archery, swimming, pole climbing, and rock climbing.

View From My Porch Swing.

This is the beautiful view God has blessed me with from my porch swing. This is a long way from where I spent a lot of my childhood on McKinley street in Gary. I think I am going to use the blog today as my Therapist. Today I am sending my oldest off to camp through church. This is a big step for me and him. It is very hard to send him to a place where you have no control over who will be interacting with him. I have tried to keep him away from people that would make him keep secrets but never really told him why. There are so many things I want to instill in him about self boundaries, peer pressure, and how persuasive nice people can be. I am also angry today because I would really like to call my Mom and talk but that is impossible. There are so many things my Mom did not teach me and its a bit aggravating and my sisters feel the same. Just simple thing like how to organize a home, how to cook, how to clean, how to hug someone and say I love you. Here are some things I did learn growing up with her. Never wear a scarf when using a chain saw. It was a trial and error thing, we had no supervision. Always look busy, my children pay for this now. How to scam the insurance company, just get some friends to pretend to steal the car set it on fire, then when they find it have your daughter go out and drain the oil and start the engine. How to siphon gas from the work vehicle her husband parked out back, I think this is why I have trouble smelling now. How to keep quiet after her husband just left your room in the middle of the night or your sisters room. Where did she think he was going with the flash light. To this day T-man can not carry a flash light at night and I think Kathy has that same rule. My husband is great at dealing with all the baggage. My step-Mom was good to us. And she is probably the reason I am a Christian today. She would pick us up even when my Dad worked and showed us a different way of life. She got us involved in church as much as possible though I did rebel as I got older but the foundation was there. Talking on the phone with my mom is difficult because she is not realistic. And after about the 3rd time of her referring to her husband as Dad makes staying positive with her hard. I know a lot now has to do with her stroke but all the stuff referred to above happened before the stroke.