This is the beautiful view God has blessed me with from my porch swing. This is a long way from where I spent a lot of my childhood on McKinley street in Gary.
I think I am going to use the blog today as my Therapist. Today I am sending my oldest off to camp through church. This is a big step for me and him. It is very hard to send him to a place where you have no control over who will be interacting with him. I have tried to keep him away from people that would make him keep secrets but never really told him why. There are so many things I want to instill in him about self boundaries, peer pressure, and how persuasive nice people can be.
I am also angry today because I would really like to call my Mom and talk but that is impossible. There are so many things my Mom did not teach me and its a bit aggravating and my sisters feel the same. Just simple thing like how to organize a home, how to cook, how to clean, how to hug someone and say I love you.
Here are some things I did learn growing up with her. Never wear a scarf when using a chain saw. It was a trial and error thing, we had no supervision. Always look busy, my children pay for this now. How to scam the insurance company, just get some friends to pretend to steal the car set it on fire, then when they find it have your daughter go out and drain the oil and start the engine. How to siphon gas from the work vehicle her husband parked out back, I think this is why I have trouble smelling now. How to keep quiet after her husband just left your room in the middle of the night or your sisters room. Where did she think he was going with the flash light. To this day T-man can not carry a flash light at night and I think Kathy has that same rule.
My husband is great at dealing with all the baggage. My step-Mom was good to us. And she is probably the reason I am a Christian today. She would pick us up even when my Dad worked and showed us a different way of life. She got us involved in church as much as possible though I did rebel as I got older but the foundation was there.
Talking on the phone with my mom is difficult because she is not realistic. And after about the 3rd time of her referring to her husband as Dad makes staying positive with her hard. I know a lot now has to do with her stroke but all the stuff referred to above happened before the stroke.
Friday, November 14, 2008
View From My Porch Swing.
This is the beautiful view God has blessed me with from my porch swing. This is a long way from where I spent a lot of my childhood on McKinley street in Gary.
I think I am going to use the blog today as my Therapist. Today I am sending my oldest off to camp through church. This is a big step for me and him. It is very hard to send him to a place where you have no control over who will be interacting with him. I have tried to keep him away from people that would make him keep secrets but never really told him why. There are so many things I want to instill in him about self boundaries, peer pressure, and how persuasive nice people can be.
I am also angry today because I would really like to call my Mom and talk but that is impossible. There are so many things my Mom did not teach me and its a bit aggravating and my sisters feel the same. Just simple thing like how to organize a home, how to cook, how to clean, how to hug someone and say I love you.
Here are some things I did learn growing up with her. Never wear a scarf when using a chain saw. It was a trial and error thing, we had no supervision. Always look busy, my children pay for this now. How to scam the insurance company, just get some friends to pretend to steal the car set it on fire, then when they find it have your daughter go out and drain the oil and start the engine. How to siphon gas from the work vehicle her husband parked out back, I think this is why I have trouble smelling now. How to keep quiet after her husband just left your room in the middle of the night or your sisters room. Where did she think he was going with the flash light. To this day T-man can not carry a flash light at night and I think Kathy has that same rule.
My husband is great at dealing with all the baggage. My step-Mom was good to us. And she is probably the reason I am a Christian today. She would pick us up even when my Dad worked and showed us a different way of life. She got us involved in church as much as possible though I did rebel as I got older but the foundation was there.
Talking on the phone with my mom is difficult because she is not realistic. And after about the 3rd time of her referring to her husband as Dad makes staying positive with her hard. I know a lot now has to do with her stroke but all the stuff referred to above happened before the stroke.
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3 comments:
K - As I read your journal today, I immediately went to our God on your behalf - my prayer for you is that you will sense God's presence right now in a very supernatural way. I pray for healing and peace. - Thank you for opening up as this will help you heal. Praise God for your loving step-Mom and for your husband. Thank you for being brave enough to let your son experience camp. He will remember the things you have taught him and I pray that he has discernment regarding who to trust. I am thankful that you have wrapped your life around Jesus....I love you - Aunt C
I love you my sweet daughter in law,
I wish I could have been there for you when you were a child, I would have come to rescue. You know what's right and wrong, and you have taught your children not to let any one hurt them like you were.
Bug will have fun this week-end and will always remember his first church camp. I love you, and pray for you always... the things that you went through will always be there, but you live your life different you can get through the days that are hard!!!
MOM
There are mom's who are good mom's "because of" or "inspite of" their childhood experiences - I am thankful that you chose to start your story with " Inspite of my childhood..." You could have gone either direction and you are a great mom. Not everyone can say that. Your honesty was raw and I appreciate you even more than ever. I love you!
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